Healing Our Relationship with Money with The Frugal Feminista Founder/CEO Kara Stevens
"I believe that healing our relationship with money is just as important as managing it," Kara says.
Money talks. And for a good chunk of Honeys navigating this current economy, the money is screaming for help. I, for one, have been through a financial journey, Honey. Hell, an odyssey. It’s one that continues to trudge along as I juggle a few contract gigs to hold me over in a barren job market. Through blood, sweat, and tears, I’ve been riding quite the financial rollercoaster (the highs were high and the lows were lowwwww) and have been working on being intentional with my turbulent relationship with money.
That’s why I was excited to chat with writer (Amazon top-rated book, heal your relationship with money), coach, consultant, and speaker Kara Stevens, also known as The Frugal Feminista. We got real about financial wellness goals, money manifestations, financial literacy challenges, and more. Spoiler alert—invaluable gems were dropped, Honey.
Get into our Q&A below!
YES, HONEY (YH): Financial wellness check—how is your 2025 starting off in relation to your ongoing financial goals? And why?
Kara Stevens (KS): My financial wellness goals for 2025 are rooted in a deeper understanding of what true financial freedom means to me at 45. Maintaining and sustaining the wealth I've built is about more than just holding onto numbers—it's about peace of mind and emotional stability. In the past, I used to feel panicked when things didn’t go as expected—especially in business—but, I’ve learned that fluctuations are natural, and there’s no need to engage in catastrophic thinking. Embracing the ebb and flow of finances without fear has brought me a deeper sense of financial security and mental clarity.
Leaning into what I call “mini-luxuries” or “frugal luxuries” is also an important goal because pleasure shouldn’t be an afterthought in the pursuit of wealth. For too long, many of us have been conditioned to think of money as something we should save or work toward only for the future. But wealth is not just about delayed gratification; it’s about living in the present and enjoying the small things that make life meaningful. These mini-luxuries—whether it’s a pampering experience, an indulgence in something small but meaningful, or simply prioritizing joy—add a layer of richness to my financial journey. They remind me that wealth is not just an abstract goal, but something that should enhance my life now. Together, these goals reflect a balanced approach to wealth—creating long-term stability while also honoring the need for joy, ease, and a sense of pleasure in the process. This year, I’m embracing the fullness of what wealth offers: both security and enjoyment.
YH: Can you walk us through your relationship with money and how it’s evolved into what it is now?
KS: I grew up in a home where love and money always felt in limited supply. My mother, heartbroken and carrying the weight of my father’s absence, held on tight to what little she had—her love, her money, her energy. I learned early that money wasn’t just currency; it was control, safety, and sometimes even punishment.
For all of my twenties and most of my thirties, I moved through life with that same energy—gripping money too tightly, afraid to spend, afraid to lose, afraid to trust that more would come. I worked hard, saved out of fear, and still felt like I was running on empty. I thought financial security would quiet my anxieties, but no matter how much I earned and/or saved, I never felt safe enough, full enough, free enough.
The real shift came when I stopped looking at money as just something to earn, save, or budget—and started seeing it as a relationship to heal. I had to unlearn the fear. I had to let go of the shame. I had to believe, truly believe, that I was worthy of ease, joy, and abundance—not just in my finances, but in my life.
So, I did the work. Therapy, retreats, journaling, and a lot of alone time as I paid off the debt. Eventually, I learned it was safe to soften my grip. I let money flow in and out without fear. And in that process, I found my purpose—not just in my own healing, but in helping other women, especially women of color, rewrite their own money stories. That’s why I created The Frugal Feminista. Because money isn’t just math; it’s energy, it’s legacy, it’s liberation. I also quit my job and relocated to Ghana with my family as part of this journey to live (and spend) aligned with my values—free of fear and self-doubt.
YH: Do you have affirmations for manifesting money? What are they?
KS: Actually, I do. Some of my favorite money affirmations are:
Abundance is my birthright.
I grow my money and enjoy my money.
It is safe for me to ask and receive.
I am deserving of abundance.
I am capable of doing the work to heal my relationship with money.
I even created an e-deck of Abundance Affirmation cards based on feedback from my community as a way to make manifesting a routine and a ritual.
YH: Tell us about how you developed the concept of a “money date?”
KS: The concept of the “money date” was born out of my own need to reconnect with money in a way that felt nurturing and intentional, rather than fearful or transactional. For a long time, I saw money as something I had to control, manage, or fix—and that led to stress, burnout, and disconnection.
One day, I realized that my relationship with money needed to be more like a relationship with a partner, one built on mutual respect, understanding, and yes, even love. I wanted to shift away from seeing money as a source of anxiety and scarcity, and instead, view it as a tool for abundance and growth. So, I started setting aside intentional time to check in with my finances, just like you would on a date—no distractions, no shame; just a focused, sacred space to honor my financial health.
As a regular, judgment-free time to be present with your money, to reflect on your goals, celebrate wins (big or small), and plan for the future, it’s an opportunity to align with your values and get intentional about where your money is going and why. This practice is especially powerful for women of color, who often experience financial trauma and cultural pressures around money.
YH: There is a stark systemic gap in financial literacy for Black folks, especially when it comes to wealth-building. What is your approach in persuading us to start that journey and how effective has it been for you?
KS: Growing up, I didn’t see financial literacy modeled for me, especially when it came to wealth-building. Instead, I learned how to survive—how to make ends meet, how to stretch a dollar, but not how to grow it.
When I began my own journey of financial healing, I realized that it wasn’t just about learning how to budget or save. It was about reimagining what wealth could look like for me—and for us. My approach has always been rooted in self-compassion, healing, and cultural understanding. I knew I had to start by forgiving myself for past financial mistakes and then taking small, intentional steps forward.
I believe that healing our relationship with money is just as important as managing it. When we approach it from a place of compassion, we’re able to make healthier decisions and align both our inner and outer wealth.
This self-compassionate approach has allowed me to eliminate $65k in debt, invest consistently over the last twenty years, and transform my financial life. Today, I have a positive net worth—something I never thought possible when I started with a negative one.
And the same transformation has been happening in my community. The women I work with are seeing how their healing is directly tied to their financial decisions. They’ve started saving first, spending intentionally instead of impulsively, and investing consistently—behaviors that are slowly, but surely building their financial abundance. These shifts are real, tangible signs of aligning inner worth with outer wealth.
YH: In this economy of “The rent is too damn high,” what are your financial tips for Black women 40+, specifically to accumulate “FU Money/Fund?”
KS: In an economy where “the rent is too damn high,” and inflation keeps trying to steal our joy, accumulating "FU Money"—the kind of fund that gives you the freedom to make choices that align with your worth—feels like a radical act of self-love and liberation, especially for Black women 40+.
Here are a few tips to start building that "FU Money" fund:
Prioritize Your Financial Healing: It’s really important to do the inner work first. Take stock of your money beliefs and how they were shaped by your past. Do you still carry shame, guilt, or fear about money? Heal those wounds so you can make decisions from a place of empowerment, not scarcity.
Save First, Spend Mindfully: Make saving a priority—before spending. Automate your savings so it happens without you thinking about it. And when it comes to spending, be intentional. Ask yourself, "Is this aligned with my values and my long-term financial goals?" This conscious spending approach frees up money to invest in what truly matters.
Invest Consistently: It’s never too late to start investing. Even if you’re in your 40s, consistency is key. Small but steady contributions to your retirement fund, investment accounts, or real estate can add up over time, especially when you take advantage of compound interest.
Create Additional Streams of Income: In a world where inflation is relentless, relying on one income source isn’t enough. Explore side hustles, monetize your skills, or look into passive income opportunities like real estate or dividend-paying stocks. The more income streams you have, the faster your "FU Money" fund will grow.
Give It Time: Building an "FU Money" fund doesn’t happen overnight, and that’s okay. The process requires patience, consistency, and time. Understand that your efforts compound just like investments, and the work you do today will pay off in the future, often in ways you can’t even predict right now.
YH: What has been a common theme that happens with readers after reading your book? How have they gone forward in their relationship with money?
KS: A common theme I hear from readers after they’ve finished my book is a profound emotional shift. Many feel a sense of hope and relief as they let go of the burden of shame—shame around mistakes, feeling behind, or believing they’re inadequate when it comes to money. They start to realize that their financial journey doesn’t have to be perfect; it can be a process, and it’s okay to take their time. This emotional shift is what allows them to move from scarcity to abundance, feeling more empowered to take control of their finances and, ultimately, their lives.
On the structural side, readers often find a part of personal finance that feels like low-hanging fruit—small, but impactful steps that they can take right away. It’s about making manageable changes that fit into their lives. For instance, they may start saving just $5 a day, or they may switch from using a credit card for entertainment to paying with cash, which feels more tangible and intentional. Many open high-yield savings accounts to watch their savings grow a little more, and others begin to unfollow or unsubscribe from accounts that make them feel like they should buy things to feel good about themselves. These changes may seem small on the surface, but they have a powerful cumulative effect—both emotionally and financially.
As they continue to make these small, consistent changes, readers begin to experience a more aligned relationship with money. Their healing starts to reflect in their financial decisions, from saving to spending to investing. These shifts help them feel more at peace with their financial choices and, ultimately, more confident in their ability to build wealth.
YH: Is there anything else you’d love our readers to know about you, money, etc.?
KS: I want readers to know that as a Black woman in my 40s, who comes from a background of financial trauma, I am a living testament to the power of healing, self-compassion, and transformation. Black women are a revolution unto ourselves. We are the backbone of our communities, often giving so much love, care, and energy to others, but we rarely direct that same nurturing energy inward.
The truth is, if we were to focus even a fraction of that same love and energy on ourselves—especially when it comes to our relationship with money—we would be unstoppable. We could fully step into our truth, free from the shackles of scarcity, shame, and the weight of past financial mistakes.
Healing our relationship with money isn’t just about numbers or budgeting—it’s about reclaiming our power, rediscovering our worth, and embracing the fullness of our potential. When we give ourselves permission to heal, to prioritize our financial well-being, and to live in alignment with our true selves, we open the door to a life that is abundant in every way.
I believe that when Black women heal their relationship with money, we heal entire communities. And that healing can be a revolutionary act that shifts not only our lives but the future we’re creating for the generations to come.
About money, I want readers to know that you are worthy of wealth. Wealth isn’t reserved for a select few—it’s a skillset that can be learned, and it’s never too late to start. No matter your past or where you’re starting from, you can build the financial future you deserve.
This interview has been edited for clarity.
TALKBACK
Honeys, time to put our money where our mouths are—what is your relationship with money? Is it challenging or are you thriving? Shout-out which part of our above interview with Kara resonated with you the most! When are you booking your “money date?” Do you have financial tips that worked for you to share with your fellow Honeys? Let’s pay it forward and cash these checks in the comments. 👇🏾
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