FIRST PERSON: Reflections On Turning 40 & My Personal Honey Starter Kit

So, what have I included in my Honey Starter Kit so far? Well...

By Tonja Renee Stidhum

I made it to 40, y'all. On July 28, 2024, I officially became a Honey and it truly is good over here.

Let me tell y'all something. I used to give so much power to the annual Forbes "30 Under 30" list. I spent my teens and 20s obsessed with making that infamous list—it meant you were a big deal. You were that b*tch.

Every year that I inched further away from my 20s and inched closer to 30, I started to have an internal panic. "OMG, I'm running out of time," I thought! And then... I turned 30. The world kept spinning. I was okay. In fact, many goals I had in my 20s started to transpire in my 30s in ways I never could've imagined—in better ways than I could've dreamed.

To be honest, I had similar anxieties in my 30s—"OMG, I'm getting older and I'm not where I thought I would be," I mused, not acknowledging that I had actually accomplished a lot, and the more you tend to accomplish, the bigger your goals tend to grow in the process. We are constantly evolving. It's not a bad thing to upgrade your goals and continuously improve (no one should remain stagnant), but it's also important to acknowledge how far you've come.

In fact, as I hit 39, I began to feel this sense of sheer relief. Maybe that's what freedom feels like. I felt that ageist burden start to lift and I thought, "These arbitrary rules don't matter." I even started to recognize my friends in their mid 30s express their "I'm getting old!" anxieties out loud and felt relieved that I was free of that. Yes, we are get older—but, what's the alternative? 😉

Now that I'm entering my fourth decade, I'm so ready to flourish and take on challenges in this new chapter. So, what have I included in my Honey Starter Kit so far? Well...

• A Bucket To Toss Any F*cks: Folks thought the 30s was the decade to care less about what anyone thinks? Oh, the 40s said, "hold my wine." This isn't to say I'll be completely careless, but I am becoming less and less likely to allow anyone else ultimately dictate how I show up in this world.

• A Bottle Of Oil To Loosen My Grip On What Doesn't Serve Me: You know what's powerful? The art of letting go. Honestly, it's probably more challenging to let go of something than it is to grasp something. What keeps us holding onto something past its prime? Attachment? Pride? Regret? Guilt? All of the above? All I know, it's worth releasing something that has expired to make room for something greater.

• A Marker To Draw A Boundary Line: One thing that competes the strongest with the power of "yes?" The power of "no." Maintaining boundaries, in turn, maintains my peace. Is it easy? Definitely not. Especially when I have to draw them toward the people who are closest to me. I don't want to hurt them. But, I've learned I have to make myself a priority. Some may call it selfish, which isn't necessarily a bad word. It's the ultimate self-care.

• A Space For Pleasure: Everyone has likely heard of the term "sexual peak" for women in their 40s, but let's break down what that truly means. One word: liberation. The freer we feel within our minds, bodies and souls, the more pleasure we're able to experience. It feeeeeeels good over here, Honey!

Seasoned Honeys! I'm sending out a call for help! What else do you think I need for my Turning 40 Starter Pack? Honeys-in-Training, what are you looking forward to when it comes to transitioning to a new decade chapter? Let's get real in the comments!