Dr. Joy on How Finding the Right Therapist is Kinda Like Dating

Pssst, it's not necessarily SPEED dating, either. 😉

Therapy is a radical movement… especially for Honeys.

That’s why it was so important that Head Honey Felicia Pride recently sat down with the award-winning psychologist and founder of Therapy for Black Girls Dr. Joy Harden Bradford for Episode 14 of IT’S GOOD OVER HERE! They chatted about a wide-range of things—from setting boundaries to leaning into pleasure.

And the timing is cosmic because we’re coming off of May, which was Mental Health Awareness Month! Felicia started out with a whole testimony—noting that she found her own therapist of 7 years through Dr. Joy’s popular directory, which is curated specifically for Black girls and women.

“I really see therapy as a supplement or a compliment,” Dr. Joy notes. To just living as a human. It is an excellent way to gain insight that may be difficult for you to gain otherwise. But, also a great tool to lean on when things get really difficult. And [yet], I think a lot of people think about therapy only when times are difficult. I also think therapy can be incredible when you're not having such a difficult time.”

In addition to giving us the origin story on how Therapy For Black Girls was conceived, Dr. Joy talked about how she—like Felicia does for her friends—uses the dating analogy when it comes to finding the right therapist. We know it can be tricky, Chile… for a myriad of reasons and factors, including cultural taboos.

“It's kind of like dating with better boundaries,” Dr. Joy says. “It's a complicated process. It’s a little different than finding a dentist or even your primary care doctor. Because, you probably don't see them that often, right? You see your primary care doctor maybe a couple of times a year. And so if they're a good doctor, but they don't have the best bedside manner, you might stick it out because it's like, ‘Oh, they're a really good doctor,’ but you don't wanna have that kind of relationship with your therapist, right?”

Dr. Joy maintains that regardless of what techniques you use, the quality of your relationship with your therapist is paramount. If it ain’t good, you won’t get the most out of your sessions. She also recommends referrals and word-of-mouth from friends and other people you trust. See, kinda like dating!

As a psychotherapist herself, one common thing Dr. Joy sees her Black woman clients struggle with: That superwoman cape we carry. And it’s HEAVY, Chile.

“There's so much in Black culture that [places Black women on] pedestals for being strong,” Dr. Joy muses. [For] being the pillars of the community and never being shakeable and all of those things. In a lot of ways, that has become a badge of honor for a lot of us, right? It feels good to be praised in those kinds of ways. But, I think we are just now starting to dismantle all the ways that that is very heavy and can be very damaging to us as well. Being martyrs and always being the one to put ourselves on the front lines comes at a cost.”

And while Honeys can typically afford to purchase more things in life, our well-being is definitely something we can’t afford to lose. Ever.

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BTW, we’re taking a short summer break at IT’S GOOD OVER HERE! Because we value rest, Honey.

So, revisit some of your favorite episodes or use this time to catch up on the ones you’ve saved to listen to later!

See y’all in the fall! 🍂

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TALKBACK

Honeys, let’s talk therapy. What is your relationship with therapy? Do you have a therapist? How is that journey going for you? Are you looking for a therapist (and need help)?? We got a safe space for you right here, Chile.

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